To think

I think
I scold myself for thinking
I scream myself sore for doing it
I hate it when I think
Feeling pain without ceasing
Killing thoughts is easy
but they still come back
Just as vibrant as the time before
Killing them over again
and hoping for it to stop

Problems

I keep it inside
All of it
It bleeds and batters against my soul
Pressing to get out
I cage it
Compress it
And leave it for another day, another week, another month
I keep it inside
And it hurts my soul
Scarring it
Numbing it
And killing it

Shattered

Bestowed slow speech and absence of thought
That combination eliminates many chances for acceptance
Fleeting people give no thought to the kid at the back
Never speaking, never reaching out
He dies every time he is glanced at apathetically
Needing a friend, craving love
He will never find it
He will struggle
Becoming erratic
Becoming torn and snapped and broken
Shattered

Alone

I don't want them to know
Because they wouldn't understand
Or they would understand too well
I am ashamed of my words
I don't want them to try and fix me
Why don't I want to be fixed?
What would I lose?

insanity

The pain is everywhere
Under my eyes
Constricting my throat
Shredding my skin
It burns and bleeds
But then is gone
Because it is all in my head

Dead or Alive

Can you feel the hot blood pumping just under your skin?
That is the only thing you feel.
You don't feel the loneliness
You don't feel the emptiness
You are numb to it
But it is all around you
Never letting you go
You find a solace and it follows
What is happiness again?
What did it feel like?
You wish you could remember
But you died a long time ago

Revenge

I see them with apathy

I hope it is an improvement

What I saw them with,
Insane Hatred

Remembering the scoffing and strife

The conceited smiles and prideful eyes

I need to tear them down

Pick them apart

Shatter their spirits

Break them 

Watch them fall

Because what I felt
It was sad

It made me hateful

I had to justify

With revenge

Given up

I see my potential
Cursing myself for not living up to it
How great a man I could be
What a coward I truly am
I ask why was I made like this
But I suspect it has been my choice all along
I have a self loathing for my imperfection
It makes me pitiful
Seeking flawlessness that I cannot obtain
The sadness at this realization is overwhelming
It is depression whispering for me to give up
I give up too easily
I give up too often
Forsaking anything at the impression of resistance
Be better.
Be stronger.
Why are you so weak?

my mask

Music blasts through my head and my thoughts cease
The relief I feel at that moment is as sweet as nectar
Lyrical feelings override me and set aside my pain
I can feel anything I want to,  listening to it all
The screaming rage, the soft contentment
Happiness for a mere second,  grief and shame for two
And then when it stops I feel empty
Like my heart has been pumped dry of the red hot blood
Replaced with tar and ink
Slow moving, poisonous pain
To stay until I have my fix of music once more

Thoughts and meanings

My words will bleed into your brain

Taking control and killing it

You will do what I say because I say it

My madness will crush you dead

And lay you down to the depths of despair

because I have my way and everyone loses

The ruthlessness scares me sometimes

I revel in it and feel my hatred rage

Ruining life

My Omega

The last of me
Will always be my hatred
Burning heat, freezing cold
It always aches
Hammers smashing against my skull
Knives twisting into my stomach
It hurts
It feels so alive
Burning poisons pumping through my veins
Pressing me to act
To relieve that ache
I will be consumed
Pent up frustration rejuvenating me
Clearing my mind, killing it
It will never fade
My hatred is forever

Odium of me

The energy comes with each breath

Filling my soul with destruction and darkness
The anger, the hate rushes through me like daggers across my skin 

I curse the world and everything of it
Wanting it to burn, to feel it kill me
Because when I destroy my world, the hate will go away
And be replaced with emptiness
I pity myself
With my same eyes I pity the world
With my same eyes I hate it as well
I could leave it all behind
Never look back and focus on oblivion
That is where the peace will lead me