Dying inside

Why is it so painful?
The hurt, the betrayal  always raw and bleeding
To see what is to see, the truth
And to know that without me there would be no difference
The memory of me would be forgotten,
Buried into their minds deeper than the grave
To never be thought of again
How it feels to see it,
Betrayal hurts worse when it's indifferent
The thought of a knife seems slightly comforting...
To cease existence...how can it be done?
That step, that leap always starts with the thought
And the sweet knife that lets go
Loosens you from your pain,
While at the same time feeding it
Would you regret it?
I don't think I would...
It seems so simple, and yet how would it be started?
I have passed that point.  It lingers in my mind
Slowly decaying until I am useless to all
And that is when I will be dead inside